Brightly Wound
by elevenhurricanes
Summary: A series of one-shots featuring our favorite princess, Rapunzel, her trusted sidekick Pascal, and of course, the smoldering, sarcastic hunk that is Flynn Rider.
1. Couvade

**AN: This is my first fic for **_**Tangled**_**. Might turn this into a series of one-shots.  
Also: I know, I **_**know**_** her hair turned brown at the end of the movie, but… I can't stop imagining her with blonde, long hair, so if I slip up and mention blonde, just ignore it. **

**As always, though, I hope you enjoy!**

The first thing I'm aware of is a horrendous smell. I can't describe it- that's how awful it is. A mixture of horse manure and… spices? Whatever it is, it does the trick. My eyes spring open- my body would have done the same, but Rapunzel is too busy lying on top of me. _Well, hey, that's not that bad_.

"Are you okay?" I blink. Oh… I'm supposed to respond.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just curious, though. Why am I on the floor?" Her tiny mouth drops an inch, a sound emitting from her throat, before she clamps it shut and begins biting her lip. All the noises she's making combined with her tiny body on mine is distracting, to say the least.

"I'm pregnant." I don't have the time to become aroused, because all of the blood inside of me seems to drain out when I hear those words. In retort, I squeak, my eyes bulging out of their sockets as she winces. "Please, _please_ don't freak out!" Whatever other noise that was going to occur ceases, catches halfway in my throat. And stays there. And now I can't breathe again. "Oh, don't do that! Eugene, please don't pass out again." Again? Eugene Fitzherbert does _not_ and never _will_ pass out.

The blasted smell is back. "Mother, he won't stop."

"Well, this news _is_ rather shocking, my dear."

"Did no one teach him what happens when a man and a woman have-"

"Rapunzel?" The interruption is used both as a way to direct her attention to me and to save the queen from an anatomy lesson.

"Eugene! You're awake!" She wraps her arms around me, her hair falling around us like a thick, dark curtain. Immediately, the scent of lavender overwhelms me and I inhale deeply, enjoying it as opposed to the smelling salts she'd been wafting underneath my nose.

"Hey, Blondie," I place a kiss on the crown of her head, "I'm okay."

"Clearly, you _aren't_, because you keep passing out on me and that obviously isn't good, so I've been sitting here trying to figure out why you're-"

"Rapunzel." Her little mouth snaps shut and then opens hesitantly, only to blow out an exasperated breath that flushes her skin and-if possible- makes her look even cuter.

"Yes, Eugene?" She questions reluctantly. Pulling her back to face her completely, to meet eye-to-eye, my lips can't help but break into a grin.

"I love you." Luckily, she doesn't tackle me. Instead, swiftly leans in and meets my lips for a heated kiss. Somewhere, the queen clears her throat and mumbles an excuse to leave. It doesn't matter, though, because right now a thousand other things are flying through my mind. How far along is she? Is it a girl or a boy? What the _hell_ kind of a father am I going to be?

"So… you're okay?"

"Okay?" The expression on her face as she tries to find the right words is one of my favorites. A hand comes up to place a flyaway hair back into the braid she's styled.

"As in… no more freak outs? And you're not angry?"

"That is the _last_ word I would use. A little overwhelmed, but that'll pass." It's funny, because when she grins, the sunlight that's pouring in through the windows grows stronger, brighter. The beams highlight the golden flecks in her eyes and I have to shake my head to rid it of the spell she's cast upon me. "I'm okay." I pretend like her tackle hug doesn't hurt and, in response, pull her tighter against me. I'm okay.

_Nine months later…_

"I am _not_ okay!"

"_You're_ not okay? _You_? I oughta rip your throat out and shove it up-" Her threat is broken as she rips out another scream. Standing to the side, I'm torn between comforting my wife or fleeing from the room. But Eugene Fitzherbert does not flee, so I swallow the wagon-load of butterflies in my stomach and edge closer to the bed. Rapunzel is breathing deeply, like the nurse is encouraging her to do, and scrunching her face up as she pushes. Leaning over, I bring the cold cloth to her forehead and wipe away the sweat that's dotting her hairline.

The pain she's in is evident and I'm mildly frustrated at myself that I can do nothing for her. Part of me wants to say something helpful, something uplifting- or at least that I love her, but it's possible she'll dismember me, so I keep my mouth shut and dampen the cloth again.

"Rapunzel, the baby is almost here. Just two more good pushes and you can hold this baby in your arms." Suddenly, her hand is reaching out, lacing her fingers through mine.

"Ready?" Hesitation is written across her features, mixed with a dash of fear and discomfort. Still, the best emotion is settled in her eyes, spilling out of them as she nods.

"I'm okay." We both share a brief smile before turning to the nurse, Rapunzel letting out a painful whimper.

"I can see the head and shoulders. Eugene, would you like to see?"

"Uh…." I don't know what propels me forward, allowing my connection with my wife to drop. Stupidity? Sheer fright? The second I spy what the nurse is all excited about, though… "I'm not okay." I manage to utter before the edges of my vision turns a hazy shade of black and the abrupt spike of pain as I meet the rigid floor rattles through my body. Then, the smell is back. _Damn it_.

"Eugene?" Rapunzel's voice greets me as I regain consciousness. The nurse helps me off the ground and it's then I piece together why the air in the room isn't full of tension any longer. There's a small, pink bundle in my wife's arms.

Edging closer, I reach a hand out and tuck back the blanket to see the sleeping, pink face of the baby. My baby. Our baby. "She needs a name." Rapunzel tells me, placing her own hand on my cheek, wiping away the tears that have landed there.

"Something that sounds good with Fitzherbert." She erupts in quiet laughter, covering it with her tear-stained hand, for fear of awakening our child.

"I don't think that's possible."

"Well… how about Annelise? You said you loved that name."

"Do _you_ like it, though? Remember, she is _our_ daughter." The mumbling of voices awakens the topic of our conversation and I watch with fascination as her pink lips stretch in a yawn, reminding me of her mother. Satisfied, she opens her eyes- a colorful mixture of forest green and golden brown specks- and stares up at me, mesmerized by my own figure. Suddenly, the chubby cheeks grow a darker shade of red, and she releases a howl.

"Hey, hey, now. Nothing to be mad at, Annelise. You're okay." She shifts uncertainly in the blanket, eyes wide as she listens to my promise. "You're okay."


	2. Gretel

It was when a third deer showed up in the clearing that Flynn began to express his distaste for Rapunzel's… attraction to nature. _The only attraction she should be feeling is towards me_! Nevertheless, he kept quiet as all the furry woodland animals swooned as she talked to them, patted each of their heads.  
"Can we get back to the meal?" Rapunzel giggled and looked back towards him with a glint in her eyes.  
"Of course you can, Eugene. I'm just going to go play with my new friends. The food will not spoil if I don't consume it right away, will it?" He debated lying straight to her face, but there was already so much she didn't know- better not start feeding her false information from the get-go. Being the forgiving ex-convict he was, Flynn shook his head in response to her question and watched as she floated away with all of the bushy-tailed creatures, leaving him to fend for himself all alone on the picnic blanket. As an act of revenge, he immediately devoured all of the strawberries, knowing they were her favorite- and wallowed in his petulance. _Stupid squirrels, stupid rabbits, stupid forest_. Flynn popped another strawberry in his mouth as an afterthought. _Stupid me_.

"Pascal, you're being rather rash." The chameleon's eyes bugged out in shock as the tiny reptile shook his head furiously. "Well, I'm sorry that you don't enjoy his company sometimes, but Eugene will be staying at the palace. Besides, would you rather have some other prince taking up your spot?" There was a momentary pause while the chameleon feigned consideration, but ultimately shrugged in a nonchalant manner. "That's what I thought." Rapunzel continued discussing an array of topics, only now Pascal wasn't paying any attention to the subject of them. His dark eyes were latched to the small loaf of bread in her hands, which she kept picking at and tossing the pieces behind her on the trail.

Eagerly waiting for her attention to lapse, Pascal couldn't help but be overjoyed when one of the deer lightly butted its antlers against Rapunzel's dress. "Oh, you're just the cutest thing, aren't you?" With her mind on the deer, Pascal leaned on the edge of her shoulder and darted his tongue out. The bread was so close, the fresh scent of it assaulting his tiny nostrils. The bread was there, right there… and then it wasn't. Confused and a tad annoyed, the chameleon focused his gaze on the food, watching it travel over to the mouth of the deer. Through narrowed eyes, Pascal wished the creature a thousand deaths as it nibbled at the loaf.

Severely put off, he skittered down Rapunzel's form and to the forest floor. "You're a hungry little guy." Making as close to a _pfft_ sound as a chameleon could, Pascal headed back the way they'd come, munching on the trail of bread crumbs she had scattered throughout the trek.

By the time the little reptile made it to the meadow, nearly thirty minutes had gone by.

"Where's the rest of you?" Flynn questioned, surprised to see one without the other. "Is everything okay?" Just as he was about to give the man a shrug, Pascal was interrupted by a distant shriek. In a sudden, jarring movement, Flynn slapped the creature onto his vest-covered shoulder. "Come on, we gotta go! Blondie's in trouble."

"Oh my, oh my, oh my. What a beautiful young lady that has stopped by! Do you see, do you see? Look at the way her supple skin gleams." Awoken by the cryptic voice, the young princess found herself tied to a… candy cane. _Candy cane? Am I hallucinating? Eugene warned me of those mushrooms in the meadow…_ "Hello, hello, hello!" The voice's owner appeared out of the darkness, an elderly woman with a rather massive nose that featured an equally massive wart. "How are you, my dearie?"  
"Um… confused." Her eyes roamed around the interior of the room, seeing nothing but sweets and junk food plastered to every inch of visible area. Lollipops and a slice of taffy formed a four-poster bed in the corner, while the cushions on the tiny sofa appeared to be gumdrops.  
"And why," The woman paused to pull a stool, made from pretzel sticks, into the center of the room, "would that be?"

"Am I dreaming? How did I get here? And… why am I tied up with licorice?" A creepy cackle arose from deep within the witch.

"You're not dreaming, that's for sure. All I had to do was call out to you and offer up a warm cup of tea and _bam _you were lured! Still, too many questions. You don't want me to cover up that pretty little mouth of yours, do you?" In one leap, the old woman moved to press her mouth against Rapunzel's ear. "No worries, no worries. In just a few moments you'll be ready." The princess shuddered at the words as the stench of the witch's breath rolled down her neck. One last cackle and the old woman sprinted to a boiling cauldron near the front of the candy cottage.

"Ready?" Fear lacing her question, Rapunzel could only swallow and struggle against the licorice ropes when the witch spun around and grinned.

"Silly girl, don't you see? You're the main ingredient for tonight's curry." _Eugene… where you are you?_

"I'm comin', Blondie!" Flynn dashed madly through the thick underbrush, barely wincing as his fingers met a particularly sharp thorn bush. Past the nearest thicket of trees, he could see smoke rising into the canopy- a sure sign of humankind. Hopefully, Rapunzel had stumbled across a group of traveling pilgrims, instead of the evil entities that were said to inhabit the forest. Flynn could only hope, when the brightly-colored cottage came into view, that this was not one of those entities.

As if answering his question, he detected a creepy burst of laughter coming from inside the house. The abrupt sound echoed around the vicinity and tempted Flynn to glance back, to make sure someone hadn't followed Pascal and him. Swallowing the feeling, he crept closer to the tiny house, eyeing the outdoor décor curiously.

"Is that… candy?" Reaching out, he gripped the fencing and broke off a piece, popping it into his mouth. "Oh, my God, is that peppermint?" _Okay, so maybe evil entity wasn't the correct assumption. Is there such a thing as an evil candy-maker?_ "That's definitely peppermint." Pascal, annoyed with his transportation, bounded from Flynn's shoulder to the grass. The movement caught the man's attention and he grinned sheepishly at the reptile. "Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away with the…" Pascal narrowed his eyes in distaste, "…right. Well, let's get a move on, shall we?" The two followed a dirt path- which Flynn was positive consisted of brown sugar- that wound to the cottage's backyard. Spotting a window, Pascal leapt onto the windowsill as Flynn peeked inside.

"_Silly girl, don't you see? You're the main ingredient for tonight's curry_." The two shared a look of alarm before returning to the window. Tied to a beam near the back of the cottage was Rapunzel, eyes wide with the same emotion, as the old woman- _evil _cannibal _candy-maker_- padded to an unseen area, restricted from view.

Quickly, Flynn dropped to the ground and assessed his battle plan.

"Frog?" The chameleon, situated on the edge of the sill, grumbled and turned his head away. "Sorry. _Pascal_?" An eye slid in Flynn's direction. "It's been an honor." Taking one look at the man's outstretched hand, and then at the man himself, Pascal gave into the sarcasm and shook. "Awesome! Now let's go kick some cannibal _ass_!"

_Tap. Tap tap. _Rapunzel glared at the fire, blazing underneath the pot the witch was stirring.

"If my hair was still long, I could just strangle the old hag and this whole mess would be _over_," She muttered to herself. _Tap tap tap_. _Tap_. Now curious of the recurring sound, the princess caught sight of the familiar flash of brilliant green.

"Pascal!" She mouthed in delight. Her beloved pet smiled through the glass. Although the sight of him livened her spirits, she knew that there was only so much a tiny chameleon could do. Taking down witches was probably _not_ one of those things. Yet, the look Pascal was giving her must've meant something.

A knock at the front door of the cottage became her answer.

"Go away, go away! Mother has no time to play." The knocking persisted. "Oh, fine, fine. Just give me a little time!" And with each step the woman took closer to the door, Pascal's grin widened. Finally making the connection, Rapunzel bit back a surprised gasp, clenching her bottom lip in between her teeth. _Eugene!_

The door swung open to reveal the future prince, standing on the front stoop in all of his handsome glory. Pascal rolled his eyes while Rapunzel beamed.

"Good day, madam. My name is... Mr. Stabbington and I was wondering if you-"

"Not interested, lad." His stomach dropped slightly as she made to close the door. Desperate, he slapped a hand on the frosting-coated wood, rudely barging his head in to take a big whiff- and to hastily wink at his wife.

"My, my, my, the aroma from your cooking is simply _marvelous_."  
"Well, thank you-"  
"-can I interest you in experiencing the finest cookware to recently hit the market?" The witch panicked, pressing her entire self between the door jamb and Flynn to prevent him from seeing her awaiting meal.  
"Sure, but let me just-" The cast-iron frying pan came down on her head, leaving the old witch unresponsive on the floor.

"Blondie!"

"Eugene!" Leaping over the unconscious cannibal, he sprinted to where the princess was tied and immediately began undoing the licorice knots. Once free, Rapunzel wasted no time in throwing her arms around him and crushing his lips to her own. Pascal, ignoring the affection, quickly regained his normal spot and nestled in her hair, happy to have her back.

"Hello to you, too," Flynn replied in his usual smug manner that quickly changed to a serious one, "Are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"Oh, I'm fine now that I know she isn't going to be boiling me in her pot."

"Good. That's… definitely good, but we should skedaddle out of here before she wakes up, just to ensure that _doesn't_ happen." Rapunzel nodded eagerly and followed Flynn out of the cottage, pausing only to deliver another blow to the hag.

"You know," She started as they continued down the path that led back to the kingdom, "if all else fails, you could be one convincing salesman."  
"Yeah, I dunno. I'm not sure if I could follow through with the sale if I kept bludgeoning them to unconsciousness." They shared a laugh and allowed the silence to fall down around them yet again.

Until Rapunzel broke it once more: "How did you know how to find me?"

"That was mostly Pascal, actually. He took me to the last spot he'd seen you and then I tracked you down to the cottage," Flynn cleared his throat before continuing, "A word of advice, though: next time, could you leave me a trail? If I had been any later, I might have had to throw the old woman into the boiling pot if she'd done anything to you." Her face clearly expressed the confusion coursing through her mind.

"But- but I _did_ leave a trail!"

"Wait- what? Where?"

"I left a trail of bread crumbs." A small burp echoed the statement. The reptile winced before another burp interrupted the sheepish smile adorning his green cheeks. The couple exchanged a similar look of realization before turning to the chameleon on Rapunzel's shoulder.

"_Pascal_!"

**AN: In the original tale, Gretel pushed the witch into her own oven, but I don't think Rapunzel could actually **_**murder**_** someone, so I switched it up for her character's sake.**

**Bonus points if you can spot a line I snuck in from a popular crime-drama show, which just happens to be my favorite. **

**Happy New Year's Eve, everyone!**


	3. Occlude

**AN: Oh, AP English, you are kicking my butt with all this rhetoric and nonfiction BS. I might die of boredom before graduation ever comes around. I apologize for any errors, as I don't have time to go through and proof it. **

**Flynn is around… 58 years-old in this chapter, going with the assumption that he was 21 when he met Rapunzel.**

When he awoke, he was surprised to find that the pounding headache he had experienced the day before was gone. _Poof_! Vanished, just like all the other things in his life. Leaning over the bedside, though, he still felt the chill of death. It had been with him for several days now, circling him in a toxic cloud.

Shifting slightly from his previous position, Eugene listened to his joints crack, his bones creak in agony. He thought he would go before her- that's what he'd always heard. Man before woman. What justice was this- keep him, the former most wanted man in the land, and take her, the beautiful princess whom everyone worshipped?  
Instead of rising to push through another day of grievance, from neighboring kingdoms that don't give two shits, he stayed, stuck in an almost position. He almost got up. He almost puttered over to the window. He almost opened the curtains, something his wife would have done every morning. He almost did.

Instead, he stayed, hanging over the bed like a forlorn ragdoll. Everything felt wrong. The only thing he could pinpoint exactly, though, is the pair of pink slippers peeking out from underneath the bed. Rapunzel had slippers, but they should've been on her side, not his.

Eugene bolted from the edge, scrambling backwards until he felt the opposite side. He'd been sitting on her side, where she would always lay, vibrant brown hair spilled on the pillow. Nausea overwhelmed the aging man. They'd done so many things in this bed- many wonderful, unmentionable things, but never once had he invaded her side as he'd just done.

_That's because she was always here, you idiot,_ he thought to himself, _and now she's not_. He'd taken her out in the boat the day she died. Recently, Eugene could tell she wasn't being herself, wasn't smiling as often. Overall, she seemed to be drained of life. An hour or so in the sunshine should've cheered her up, he had supposed.

"_Can you believe it's been this long since we sat out here, in this exact spot?" Rapunzel questioned as the boat floated across the still water.  
"Well, I took you out here for our 35__th__ anniversary, remember?" The confusion was evident in his tone, "And my right arm was broken, so it took us twice as long."_

"_Oh, right. Yes, I do remember." His wife looked absolutely broken-hearted, leaning tiredly over the side to dip a pale hand into the water. The liquid ran down the tips of her fingers, hesitating momentarily there, until falling back into the dark green water. Eugene watched her a moment more, disposition radiating hopelessness. When had this happened? Sure, they'd been run ragged recently from their youngest daughter's marriage, their eldest's impending pregnancy. More than once Rapunzel had brought up the idea of hanging over the crowns, allowing Annelise and her husband to reign as King and Queen of Corona.  
"Would you like to go back?" It appeared that she was lost in thought, as well. _

"_Yes, please, I am feeling a bit… out of sorts." He turned to grab the oars and inhaled deeply, preparing for the arthritis in his hands to flare up. _

"_Yeah, I've noticed. You feeling okay, Blondie?" Knowing the nickname would raise her spirits, he turned back around to receive his answer. By all means, it appeared as if she'd simply fallen asleep, bored with his questions. But he knew this woman; he'd spent nearly thirty-seven years by her side. He'd died in her arms himself, all those years ago. So when she didn't move, didn't register his voice, didn't respond to his pathetic attempts to resuscitate her, Eugene knew._

_Eventually, the boat made it back to shore, back to the docks of the castle. It may have taken hours or minutes. Truthfully, Eugene wasn't sure. He was far too busy cradling Rapunzel, singing that damn tune that had saved his life once upon a time.  
"…bring back what once was mine_

_Heal what has been hurt _

_Change the Fates' design _

_Save what has been lost _

_Bring back what once was mine…"_

"…what once was mine." Fingering his wedding band wearily, he finished breathlessly. Outside the window, mourners were lining the streets, black ribbons tied to every available object. The kingdom had loved her, as they'd eventually grown to calling her Queen Rapunzel as opposed to Princess. Eugene wanted nothing to do with the outside, though. Outside, strangers would shake his hand and say they were sorry. What were they sorry for? They had no part in her death, had no reason to be apologizing. They weren't the ones who had let her just… just slip away like she was nothing at all.

His bones creaked and protested as he rose from the bed, his bare feet slapping on the cold marble. Rounding the four-poster, Eugene sagged weakly against the window frame. Bringing his fingers up to touch the sun-heated curtains, he almost pulled them open to let the light flood the room. It was what his wife did each morning, regardless of the weather. He almost repeated the action when a knock came at the door. "Go away." Eugene called out, not bothering to wince as his voice cracked.

"Dad?" The voice behind the door responded hesitantly, "We're coming in, okay?" His hand skirted the edge of the curtains once more. The sound of footsteps and hushed whispers invaded his thoughts and his bedroom. All his now.

Thirty-seven years ago, he would've loved the sound of those words. Now they just made a pain well inside of his chest. "Dad?" Annelise was the first to approach him, her pregnant stomach pressed against his side. "How are you holding up?" Something lodged in his throat and swelled, growing larger and larger until he could no longer swallow the spit collecting in his mouth. A reply was what his daughter wanted, but he couldn't speak. There was that something in his throat- if Rapunzel were there, she would be able to force it out of him. Now, he barely had the energy to make it through the day, let alone muster up a bout of confidence to actually explain his feelings. Never quite excelling in that field, he'd always counted on her to know, as she was the only one who ever completely understood him.

"I miss her."  
"Oh, we do too. We do too, Dad." Annelise's arms wrapped around him tightly, squeezing out the tears he'd been holding at bay. "Why don't you get dressed and come eat with us?"

"Hmm." His response was disheartening, but they decided not to push the topic and bade him goodbye. The retreating sound of his children was even more depressing than their arrival. Minutes ticked past as the curtains radiated the warmth that lay just beyond the silk stitching. Joints cracked as Eugene settled back under the covers, placing one hand where Rapunzel's own would've been, splayed out on the sheets. Fingers curled slightly, as if holding on tightly to something important, he fell into a dazed slumber of thieves-turned-heroes and fair-maidens-turned-princesses.

And still, the curtain stayed closed.

**Occlude: to shut in, out, or off**

**AN: If you didn't quite catch it, Blondie passed away from complications due to having Alzheimer's, which wasn't an established disease back in her day, but was considered a form of "increasing dementia" (thanks, Ancient History class!). And yes, it can occur in individuals as young as 30, although most cases don't occur until age 65. **


	4. Prevaricate

**AN: So there's really no excuse for this being so late. Actually, there is- many of them, in fact- but it would be useless to list them all (although, in my opinion, they're all very, **_**very**_** good excuses which involve prom dress shopping and AP Lang & Comp essays) and waste more AN space. **

**Without further ado, I bring you a piece inspired by the campfire scene, when Flynn mentions his hand possibly obtaining superhuman powers. **

"Hmm… how about Handsome Man?" There was a brief pause as Eugene awaited an answer. All that was received was a blank, uninterested stare. "Fine. Amazing Man? Bad Ass?" Silence again. "No, you're right. No need to spell out what's plainly obvious." An eye roll graced the appearance of Eugene's aide. "Okay then, frog, what do you suggest?"

Pascal's forked claw tapped on the page of a nearby botany book Rapunzel had been studying. "Pansy." The chameleon fell backwards, squeaking with laughter. Eugene, surprisingly, wasn't impressed with the suggestion. "_Hilarious_. But seriously, frog, I would need a name if I turned into Corona's next superhero!"

Had he really grown this desperate for something to do, something to busy himself with that he was lowering himself to creating a fake persona? Although- _wait a second_- hadn't he been in this same position twenty-something years ago? Why was it so much harder _this_ time, especially when he had access to so much more literature, so many more stories of famous heroes?

Pascal watched the man pace along the marble, distress evident on his features. "How does the Avenger sound?"  
_Nuh-uh_.

"Warrior Man? No, I don't have a sword. The Punisher? Too threatening. The Thief? Wouldn't exactly describe me in my current position, now would it? Night Man?"  
_Ermm…_

"Yeah, you're right, that one's a bust. Captain Corona! …Reminds me too much of a fruity drink. Nightwalker? Hmm… sounds too much like a street walker. Don't want people thinking I'm a prostitute." Pascal's face immediately emptied itself of any color. "What? What's wrong?" Eugene whirled around to spot Rapunzel, her head poking through the crack in the doors.

"What's a prostitute?"

_Damn her and her need for worthless knowledge._ Competing with the frog's pale face, Eugene blanked, his wide eyes darting back and forth from Rapunzel and all her innocence to Pascal, slowly edging toward the balcony in retreat. With one large sweep of his hand, Eugene captured the varmint and held him out for the pet's mistress.

"You know what, Blondie? I think Pascal here can explain it better than I can, can't you, frog?" He repressed a small shudder as the reptile rotated its head toward him, eyes narrowing in malice. He'd have to remind himself to wear ear muffs to bed tonight, in case the frog wanted revenge. "Well?" Eugene provoked, innocently beaming at the object in his palm.

Suddenly, Pascal turned to Rapunzel and began ranting in squeaks, motioning rapidly with his tiny claws. She watched, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, with a deep look of concentration on her adorable face.

"He's saying you were being a pompous ass… and something about a man named Captain Corona?" Although he would've sworn against it if asked, Eugene could feel the tingling sensation of a blush color his cheeks. Quickly, the other hand not holding Pascal rose up to toy with his goatee, hoping to hide the flush.

"Oh, you know Pascal, always coming up with _crazy_ ideas." A single eyebrow slowly ascended with uncertainty. "Seriously. No clue what he's jabbering on about." Dumping the reptile onto the desk, Eugene wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her out of the room to escape livid frog. A chance of luck had a servant passing by at that same instant, two vases of pansies in her arms— which caught the attention of the princess, and the prostitute query all but vanished.

\/

He learned his lesson, though, a few days later when an abrupt slam of his door rattled Eugene to his bones. After he checked to make sure he hadn't shit himself, he turned to the queen who informed Eugene that due to Pascal's limited knowledge of the subject, Rapunzel had been flouncing around the city's square, asking where she could purchase such a thing. For once, the trusty technique of shoving his entire fist into his mouth failed the former thief.


	5. Heliolatry

Eugene hadn't learned much since he became a part of the royal family. Sure, there were the weekly meetings to discuss budget deficits, the rising issue of religion-induced war in the Middle East, and the bakery strike in nearby Sicily. To the kingdom, all hot topic issues. To the former thief, all comic relief in the newspapers. Which, to him, would make them a hell of a lot more amusing to read- if he ever picked up one, that is?

No, there was only so little that ever truly stuck with him so deeply it was forever present in his long-term memory: how to rob a bank wagon in broad daylight, how to skirt around Future King Logistics 101 by claiming Blondie was sick, how to immediately know the queen is actually being humorous- the corner of her mouth twitches ever so slightly.

One thing Eugene did not know, however, was that Rapunzel, the future queen and his future wife, swam naked. Not in a swimsuit, not in a corset and panties. _Naked _naked.

"Oh, hey, Eugene!" She greeted him merrily, pausing in her strokes to move toward the edge, pressing her chest against the concrete- and _wow_, look at that bird in the sky!

"Hey, Blondie. Wha- what cha doin'?"

"Swimming," Rapunzel answered like it was the most normal thing in the world for her to be outside, in public view of anyone who just happened to walk up, naked as the day she was born, "I love the feeling of floating around in the water. Especially when the closest I'd ever gotten to it was in the bathtub." Eugene was running out of things to look at.

_There's plenty to look at on her_. Jumping at the sudden carnal voice, he glanced over to see a miniature Flynn Rider atop his shoulder, peering down with his famous flashy grin.

_Give the guy a break, would ya?_ An equally smaller Eugene interrupted Flynn on the opposite shoulder. _At least he's trying to be courteous- unlike you_.

_What can I say? I'm one-hundred percent man- unlike you_. Mini-Eugene crossed his arms, scoffing as mini-Flynn smirked in satisfaction.

"Eugene? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah." The two answered in unison while Flynn simply eyed Rapunzel's breasts. "I think the sun is getting to me." _Or causing me to become completely batshit crazy_.

"Hmm… well maybe you should go back inside. That way you can cool off." God knows what made him stall there for a moment, but it was certainly a moment too long. Especially when she opened her mouth to vocal her next thought. "Or you can jump in here with me."

Damn his etiquette instructor; he tugged long and hard on the collar now constricting around his neck.

"I- I can't."

"Why not?" It was at this moment she decided to move away from the edge. On her back. With everything else above the water, floating and glistening from the water coating her supple flesh-

_Yeah, why not_? Flynn's eager smirk grew in size, along with a certain member of his anatomy.

_Stop egging him on!_ Eugene shouted, grasping the hairs on his chin to swing around and glare at the thief. _You're just going to make him horny!_

"Shut up!" Eugene muttered, swatting at the little fellow who continued to protest.

"Excuse me?" He froze, hand in mid-swat, as Rapunzel moved towards him again, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes." _I'm hallucinating that there are two doppelgangers arguing whether or not to fuck you in a swimming pool. _

"Yes?" The confusion was obvious on her face as her palms came to rest on the ground near his boots. The slick, dripping limbs lead his eye up to a pale chest, dabbled with tiny brushing of freckles- "What's wrong, then?"

"Um." Eugene could count on one hand how many times he'd uttered that phrase in his lifetime. Flynn Rider did not say um. Flynn Rider always knew what to say. _You're not Flynn anymore_.

_Yeah, too bad. While you enjoy staring at those rosebushes, I'm gonna enjoy staring at your girlfriend's assets._ It would do no good to argue with the tiny devil on his shoulder; after all, Flynn had a point. Of course Eugene would much rather gaze at the glory of Rapunzel's… features. However, with the two being out in the open where anyone peeking through a window or strolling through the garden could see them, weighed heavily in his mind.

Apparently this never crossed Rapunzel's mind, though, because now she was pushing herself out of the water. His friend Jack had told him about these creatures, had warned Flynn about the dangers of sirens. Every reasonable thought was swept away in one instance as she stood before him, hair clinging to the soft skin of her neck, lips parted in mid-sentence, eyes narrowed in misunderstanding.

Faintly, he could hear Flynn cheering in the background as Eugene hauled Rapunzel up to his mouth, eager lips crushed against open ones. She squeaked once, her frame tightening underneath his, until another second passed. After that second, she was merely pudding under his touch; pudding that whimpered when he broke the kiss.

"Rider!"

_Oh, shit!_ It was the last thing Eugene registered from mini-Flynn before a massive wave of pain slammed into his back, threatening to dislodge his spine from his head.

"Rider, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"He wasn't doing anything! Why did you tackle him? Eugene, are you okay?" Somewhere through the haze of agony, he heard the princess scoff. "Honestly."

"Princess, with all due respect, you're…."

"_Swimming_? So that's _illegal_ now?"

"…naked."

"And?"

"And… we thought that Rider here was trying to-"

"Trying to _what_?" If it wasn't obvious Rapunzel had no intention of pursuing anything sexual with him that day, it was now.

_At least the heat-induced doppelgangers could stop arguing, then_.

"If I wanted to have sex with him, I wouldn't be doing it out here. We have a room for that, you know."

_Please stop talking, Blondie_. "Now, unhand him before I send for the king, as I'm sure he won't be happy about you injuring my boyfriend, among other things." Eugene repressed a smirk as the guards mumbled their scattered apologies and fumbled away from the pool area. "Eugene?"

"Hmm?" Afraid of making any sudden movements, he opted to let himself be pulled into her embrace, assets pressed against his own chest. So maybe his spine was broken, who would care about permanent paralysis at a time like this?

"Should I call for the doctor? Are you dying? If you're dying, you have to let me know because I'm not very good at assessing injuries, unless you're bleeding like you were last time and, oh gosh, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have brought that up but this is quite frightening and I'm not sure what I should do-"

_Screw paralysis_, Eugene thought to himself as he flung himself up and silenced her with another kiss that always seemed to do the trick, _I can't have her hyperventilating_. "I guess that means you're not dead, right?" Rapunzel giggled softly as he nuzzled at her neck, brushing the wet hair away to place a line of kisses there.

So while his girlfriend continued her laughter at his antics, Eugene realized that he not only worshipped the sun for the energy it brought to him, for the power it had bestowed upon Rapunzel which in turn brought them together, but also for the fact it caused his girlfriend to swim naked in the heat of it.

**Heliolatry- the worship of the sun**


End file.
